I’ve been in web and marketing for 18 years. Almost two decades! That’s a lot of experience, right?
One would think so, and one would likely be correct. But there’s a funny thing that happens (or at least, it happened to me) when a marketer decides to go out on his own and start a consulting business. I’m sure it happens in all professions, but in this case I found it hilarious (in a completely “what the fuck were you thinking” way). Let me tell you story…
The Ideation (Insert 2-week delay here*)
When I started this whole venture (motivated particularly well by the abhorrent job market) I can admit that I had no idea what the hell I was doing. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that as of today, I still only have the vaguest clue.
I was a little stuck, but knew I had to do something in order to bring this all to fruition. With that in mind, I started researching my local Chamber of Commerce, looking at small business programs, and hunting for entrepreneurial support organizations. Luckily, there are plenty of options out there.
Quite honestly, I just needed somebody to point me in the right direction. I needed a plan that said “Step 1: do this. Step 2: then this. Step 3:…” Seriously, I’m just a marketer. What the hell do I know about starting a consulting company and getting clients?
The Irony
So… as I was in my research/desperation/ohmigod phase, I hit on the Community Futures site. It’s awesome! It had a ton of resources available, coaching, advice, and support. I immediately started clicking on the webinars and work groups wondering where and when I could start.
I set up an account and started looking at some of the upcoming sessions. That was about 2min before I got a healthy dose of a “what the fuck is the matter with you” moment.
You see, as I started going through the “workshops for startups” section, I noticed a funny thing. The first handful of workshops on the calendar were really interesting to me. They were on how to love selling, social media, building connections online, getting started on Google My Business, building your digital foundation, figuring out ecommerce, understanding SEO, creating an email marketing program.
It was great! I was immediately drawn to sign up because the topics were so familiar to me! It was like somebody had put together a plan on how to get my business started, and better yet – it was all stuff I knew! I was ready to get into those workshops and just rock the shit out of them.
Wait a tick… what?
The Imposter (Syndrome)
Yep. Go back and read those last two paragraphs and see if you understand why I enjoyed my stand-up comedy routines and how I manage to make people (particularly myself) laugh.
The first set of really helpful, relevant, and impactful programs for me were all on topics I’ve been doing for almost twenty years. As I mentioned at the beginning – that’s a lot of experience, right?
But here’s where I find life so funny. Sure, I know all these things. Hell, I should probably connect back with the Community Futures crew and offer to fill-in if the current coach ever needs a break. However, I didn’t REALIZE I knew all these things or that they were helpful.
I’ve guided small-businesses and corporations. I’ve counselled national non-profits and supported fan engagement for professional sports franchises. I’ve walked people through so many different topics when it comes to marketing that some of the most vexing subjects for my clients are simply instinctual common-sense tactics to me. And (again) I’ve done that for years!
Unfortunately, up until now I just never believed anything I knew or did was valuable. I’m just an old guy with some great “Al Bundy-esque” stories and a headful of wild ideas. There’s no way anybody would actually look at what I do and think “yeah, I need that kind of help”. Certainly, even if they did, there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell they would look at me and say, “yeah, he knows what he’s talking about. I wanna work with an expert like him.” Like, seriously – I can’t even get a screening interview anymore, let alone a real job.
That, friends and neighbors, is called “Imposter Syndrome” and it is just another notch I can add to the bedpost of my mental health issues. It’s when a person that is actually highly-qualified starts believing that they’re irrelevant. It’s when they don’t actually believe in their own talent or capability. And, sometimes in really heavy cases, it can lead professionals to question everything about their career and exisitence.
The Lucky Part
My therapist reminds me on the regular that I’m exceptionally self-aware (another irony, based on the topic of this piece) and that I’m adept at looking at myself objectively in order to take positive steps in my recovery. For the most part, I think he’s right – and then I have moments like these where I need to get a kick upside the head to remember it.
I am self-aware. I am also suffering from imposter syndrome. I am very good at what I do. I have helped numerous organizations reap amazing gains. I do get caught and frozen and left wondering what to do. I get scared. And I get unstuck.
*You’ll see I started writing this, and then I stopped for 2 weeks. That was because when I got unstuck, I started doing things to help myself out.
I’ve picked up a couple of “practice” clients so I can get a some case studies, reviews, and testimonials going. It keeps me working, it helps me shake off the rust, and it reminds me that I CAN do this.
I’ve also refocused energy on filming and editing for the Honey-Do Handyman. I’ve got content ready to go until mid-January. And then I have footage that needs to be edited so I can have stuff all the way to April.
I’ve connected with a great local program – the Bulkley Valley Tool Library (seriously, this is an awesome idea. If you don’t have one of these in your neighborhood, start one!) that helps people “check out” tools for their home projects. It seems our audiences are likely very similar and our interests align.
I’ve done a bunch of things instinctually. Things I already knew how to do, but never realized I did. I’ve taken a kick-to-the face (a very self-inflicted blow) and picked myself up after a stumble. And while I’m not likely to ever shake my Imposter Syndrome – at least for this moment (while I wrap up this essay) I have managed to put it on pause so I can get shit done.
I guess that seems like a productive and positive two weeks to me.
